Not only is it Monday...

You would think that the fact that it is Monday would be enough. Sometimes I feel bad for Monday because I think it gets an undeserving bad rap, but not this Monday. No this Monday is totally deserving!
So anyone that has known me for any amount of time, knows that since the day I understood what sleeping in meant, - I love it. So these mornings in the dark season of winter are not my best friend.
But this particular morning, I awoke to my husband being a particularly extreme brand of funny. Not that I was all that amused in my half-wakened state, but that is neither here nor there. I crawled out of bed, glowered at the not so early morning darkness, & prepared to take on the day. I ate a semi-healthy breakfast, packed my lunch, got dressed of course, and headed to work. That is when it all started downhill. Which would be fine if I lived uphill from work........ I dont.
The first thing was the fact that the streetlights were still on. Streetlights = Darkness, Darkness= Night, Night = should not be on the way to work! Even after that though, I was still okay.
Then I reached the local high school.
Two minutes away from work, with 2 minutes to spare.
A little man in a reflective yellow jacket. (Little as in short, not in character I'm sure, but then again I do question it after his actions.)
His job title is crossing guard. He walked out into the middle of the road. He's allowed to do that.
The problem this morning as has happened several other mornings, is that he stops traffic (traffic that is on their way to work) to allow all 150 buses to pull out & go on their merry way. I sat in my car & said "this is so stupid! stupid! stupid! stupid!" until the word stupid itself sounded stupid. (it's looking a little stupid now too) Not only is it annoying because I'm still trying to get to work while their work is done (for the moment) but the school also has an entrance/exit that leads to a road that leads to a traffic light that intersects with the road that they are pulling out onto! (follow all that)
Anyway, nothing to wake you up on a Monday morning, than to get you blood bubbling! (it wasn't quite a rolling boil)

Of Pillows & Such

I was laying in bed in the early hours of the morning today, unable to sleep cause I got too warm.
Go figure, we're in the middle of a cold spell, & I'm suddenly warm?
As I struggled to bunch & roll my pillow in order to get comfortable, I was once again reminded that I am in desperate need of a new pillow.
I dont know how it goes in your house, but here's how it works in mine.
I have 1 pillow.
It's my favorite pillow (perhaps cause its my only?)
I've had it for as long as I can remember.
& I've got a pretty good memory so that's pretty long.
I distinctly remember the day the tag (do not remove under federal law tag) finaly fell to shreds. That end always went in the pillowcase first, cause I don't like feeling crinkly tags while I sleep.
Now that I think about it, I think it was one of my Christmas presents from back in the day, & I think my older sister got one the same time. I should ask her if she still has hers.
At sleepovers friends would "freak out" over my pillow. ( Like we didnt have enough freaking out to do over the cute boys!) It was all lumpy and bumpy. I liked it that way tho, cause there was always somewhere to stick my bob when i was laying on my back :)
Time goes on, and I now find myself in that place of having to find a pillow. The lumps & bumps got smaller, & the pillow got overall thinner. Guess old age can have that affect.  I hate the thought of a new pillow. They have so many kinds. Firm, Medim Firm, Super Firm, Contoured, Down Filled....The list goes on & on! I have no idea what I like! They dont have a catagory for lumpy & bumpy. Every time I go to Walmart, or Target I look at them, but in overwhelmed exasperation I decide I'll figure it out "next time".
Eventually I'll have no pillow, and anything will be better than nothing I guess.
Speaking of pillows, C uses two. Yep, Two. Stacked one on top of the other. When we got married two came along with him. One was very heavy, very thin. Think cardboard (ok, a little exageration there) The other pleasantly plump. He decided to replace the thin one with a down one. He now sleeps with his head at a 90 degree angle from his body. Tell me, Is this normal?
The other frustrating point is that sheet sets come with 2 pillowcases, so there is always one pillow with a different case. Guess I have to start buying them individually.

Nothing like a ridiculously long post about oversized marshmallows!

Thats what Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
you think its more than you can take
but you're stronger, stronger than you know
Dont you give up now the sun will soon be shining
you gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining....

i've seen dreams that move a mountain
hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Family Camping

It's close
It's fun
It's family

This is the second year that we went camping in the Back 40. Otherwise known as the big area behind my dad's shop.

 

Dad watching over breakfast.
I think its kinda cool how the tripod frames an A for Aaron ;) 



Kirsten digging her mini marshmallos out of her hot chocolate.



Saturday was a clean up day at the shop. For some reason the men like doing things like driving the Hyster & pulling tress out by their roots, walking on the roof and pulling down tree branches, and going up in high lifts to fix windows on buildings.

While cleaning up a spot right near the campfire, Curt found a snake... thus the eager anticipation of Lucy & Christine to see but not be food put them on a higher level :)

 

Dad or otherwise refered to as Grandpa...enjoying some food with a few of his girls.



Dave going up to do the window.

Hauling fire wood

 

The happy littlest camper :)



I think this was during church.

It was a great weekend. Laughing, Talking, Playing settlers...Doing things that family was meant to do.

I'm an Aunt again!

Diving In...

Peace

Tranquility

Solitude

Freedom

Serenity

Silence

Stillness

These are the words that have been flowing through my brain the last week or two. It all started one night when C convinced me that anyone can float, and talked me through my fear (most of it) of water & right into a floating state. :) Since then it has become one of my favorite things to do in the pool.

Floating ears submerged beneath the water, all you hear is quite, silence. The traffic noise, my annoying incessantly barking dog, the neighbors lawn mower, even the birds. Its all gone. & when I find myself in that place of complete silence, my mind can think freely, and my heart can listen... Its therapeutic.

"Be still & know that I am God."

I've loved these words for so long. Maybe it is because in my life, there are few still moments. Or, maybe it is just the amazing thought of knowing that He is God, and all that it entails. Maybe it is because the Hebrew term for "be still" meant that which is slack, or to let drop, or in some instances, to be disheartened or weak. Cause in all honesty, I've felt that.

If you feel disheartened or weak, know that I am God.

To me, that speaks amazing things to my heart.

Whatever it is, those words were on my mind. & floating in the silence of my little backyard swimming pool, I felt it. The cares on my shoulders couldn't push me down - I was floating. The noise of controversy, I couldn't hear it. It was just me and God. Me floating in the water, with God's blue evening sky domed over top of me. Nothing could reach me. It was beautiful.

And then my mind kicked into analogy mode. It does that every so often.

You see, I told you I learned how to float. & I did. I just float, with one hand grasping the edge of the pool. & before you protest, that it doesn't mean I can float until I've left go of the edge, let me tell you I have. I know I can float. I'm just too scared to float beyond the reach of the poolside. I'm terrified of letting my head go under the water. I'm fearful that I might drown. Even when C is right there saying "I wont let you go under"

I should be fine with it all. After all, he is even an EMT.

And despite the fact that I wonder if I'm missing out on the full experience floating in the middle of the pool, my fear (so far) has kept me from finding out.

And as I lay there floating, I wonder if that is how I am with God sometimes.

I hold on to my safety nets, and my security blankets. God is there saying "Let go... I'll catch you...I won't let you go under", but I hold on instead of launching out with reckless abandon.

Fear is a crippling disease. It gets a hold of your mind, & turns you into a crazy person full of panic. & Satan knows that. He's the master of manipulation, and fear. & I wont let him control me when it comes to MY spiritual life.

It's MY life,

It's me & God,

We're jumping off the high dive together.

We're pushing off from the sides of the pool.

Be still & know that I am God

Dare to love....

If we could see through His eyes Then we could dare to love the way God loves If we could see through His eyes Then we would understand the way God understands For His eyes see through the surface right down to our needs Far beyond where we are to where we can be If we could only see through His eyes

JOURNEY

Journey. It's a word that has come up in my blog, in my conversations lately, and in emails. It is a word that means so much, that feels so much. To the dictionary, it means traveling from one place to another, usually taking a rather long time. a distance, a course or period of travel; passage or progress from one stage to another. While all these are so, to me it means more. It means not always knowing where I'm going to end up, not always understanding the direction my Map is telling me to go, It means feeling lost but trusting my GPS, it means feeling lonely, but knowing I'm not alone. It means trudging through valleys because they are what divides the mountaintops. It means perseverance It means hope It means faith It means trusting that God's Grace is sufficient It means being still & waiting for direction. I don't know about you, but waiting is one of the hardest things for me to do. I used to work at a bookstore, & while there a book lighted upon the shelves. It caught me by the heart. It was titled Wait. Just a little book with a poem & some photos. What a way to catch my attention than to put two of my hearts loves (poetry & photography) together. And with such a powerful message at that. I was only 17 or so, but it struck such a chord in my life. And many times I find the words running through my mind. Here it is....

Wait by Russell Lee Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry: I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, As my Master replied again, "Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint. You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

So as I sit & wait (although sometimes I admit I get impatient) I remember that Yes, God's grace is sufficient for me. & even thought the journey at times is hard, painful even. I know without a doubt that God is doing a work in my life, that I would not want to miss. God said, "My presence will go with you. I'll see the journey to the end." (Exodus 33:14) And that my friends will make this journey worthwhile.

Spring Cleaning

Now I'm sure the thought of those words send all you domestic ladies into a dither. -Thoughts of wiping down walls, -moving furniture around so you can sweep wall to wall, -Cleaning out the "junk closet" (wait, do other people even have them?), -Spit shining the silver and washing windows. Me? I just think that maybe for once my house will get completely cleaned in one week. I know, it sounds like my house must be full of dust bunnies and dingy windows, & honestly sometimes it is. What can I say I work full time, and live by Rt 23. The inside doesn't always get cleaned & those front windows with the lovely grime? Maybe this week...maybe. This past weekend, I decided that it is time for Spring Cleaning, & not necessarily house cleaning. Everything is getting cleaned out & organized. Finances - oh yes the dreaded cant live with it, cant live without it budget. Sadly it has gotten neglected the last few months. And then, last night I discovered that my computer has a nice little template on it to help me organize the budget. I was so excited I stayed up way to late figuring it out. That's the second thing that needs spring cleaned - or just discipline. Getting to bed at a normal hour & using time wisely. Next on the list is Meal Prep. I NEED to start planning my meals - healthy meals. Since I can tend to be an excuse-y-ish person, I will make some here: -I never did much cooking before I was married. I worked till 5, came home & mom normally had supper pretty much ready. So therefore I lack experience. (can i still claim that after 1 1/2 yrs of being married?) -Secondly my husband is lactose intolerant...no milk, cheese, sour cream, butter, cream cheese....(there is a kind of milk that he can have for when i need to use it in something) -Thirdly, my husband does not eat most vegetables. So instead of making corn every night, or just a vegetable for me, I sometimes skip it. I know, I know, how un-wifey of me. So aside from these excuses, I'm about to embark on a journy of healthy cooking. Anyone with ideas for me, please give! I'm accepting every idea that doesn't include liver & onions. :) And yes, also on my spring cleaning list is my house. Inside & outside. I dream of that perfect house, that never has clutter, never gets junk mail, no need for "storage" closets or better yet "junk closets". & little by little, room by room, my aim is to get there....before it needs to be called Summer Cleaning. Till next time You can find me with the bald headed guy. (Mr Clean, silly people! my husband's not bald!)

Forget Me Not....Vicki Hinze

Carjacked & beaten, "Susan" awakes with no knowledge of who she is or where she came from. The only thing she assumes is that her name is Susan. This she knows because of a piece of paper stuck in her pocket. In her search to discover who she is, it becomes apparent that she is being hunted by someone. Working with Benjamin Brandt, owner of the Crossroads Crisis Center, she begins to piece her life together, discovering that she is not Susan at all. She has no memory, or money; however she has a deep seated faith in God, and rely's on Him to show her the answers to her life. This book was provided for review by Waterbrook Multnomah Press.

Here burns my candle... Liz Curtis Higgs

I have to admit I don't often pick up a historical fiction & become enthralled in it's pages. However, this book held onto me. Follow the struggle of a down to earth highlander who marries above her station. Alone in so many ways- little in common with her mother-in-law, or sister -in-law, worshiping a secret god, far away from her family. As God works, & pulls her into a relationship she becomes a force to reckon with. Her new found faith in God gives her strength in the middle of a war, to become a pillar for her family. Liz weaves the story of Ruth against the backdrop or war-torn Scotland in a way that makes you feel as if you are walking the streets. So much that when reading the book to myself it had a tinge of a Scottish accent. :) Overall a good read, making me wish a sequel was available now. This book was provide for review by Waterbrook Multnomah Press Go here to get your copy!

a cool poem...

Read as written the following poem is a sad picture of much of society today. Read in reverse, it shows the hope & power a person has to change it. Came across this recently & thought it was pretty neat. Lost Generation I realize this may be a shock, 'Happiness comes from within' is a lie, and 'Money will make me happy' So in thirty years I will tell my children they are not the most important thing in my life. My employer will know that I have my priorities straight because work is more important than family I tell you this Once upon a time Families stayed together but this will not be true in my era this is a quick fix society Experts tell me Thirty years from now I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce I do not concede that I will live in a country of my own making In the future Environmental destruction will be the norm No longer can it be said that My peers and I care about this earth It will be evident that My generation is apathetic and lethargic It is foolish to presume that There is hope. And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it.

Raw...

The last couple months of my life, have been a journey of epic proportions. I can only remember one other time in my life, where I have struggled, and fought, and clawed this hard to figure out if what I believe in is the same thing as Who I believe in. I have always prayed that I would never endure heartache like that again. And I haven't for the most part. Back then, I searched the internet over to see if there was anyone else who had discovered the kind of emotional pain, that physically hurt. I didnt find any scientific proof, but I still believe it. The last few months, I have learned once again, that Who I believe in will always trump what I am going through. I've cried, I've prayed, I've fought, I almost gave up almost but between me & God, I picked up where I left off and struggled some more. My strong wall of emotions became a landslide of raw emotion. and in the raw place, my heart open and bleeding on an autopsy table of what felt like failure, God reached in. To a place that I dont think He has ever been before. I'm still struggling, I'm still confused, I'm not sure what the right way to fight is anymore It's still raw, but God is there. He's not gonna let the life drain from me as I fight. And sometimes, God doesn't just fix things for us. Sometimes He lets us live with battle scars. Not because He doesnt care, but because He wants us to remember the fight, and remind us that there are things worth fighting for. I'm still on this epic journey, but I am not alone. And I'm going to be ok. I know it.

Technology: defined by me

I have recently become annoyed. Actually not so recent, unless you call the last year recent. (Which in the grand scheme of things actually may be considered recent) So yes, I am an annoyed person. And what has caused this annoyance? Technology. They (I'm not sure who they are) say that when we die we have only used a very small percentage of our brains. We could have learned so much more, we could have created, we could have invented. We could have advanced technology. For some reason tho, it seems that every advancement in technology has a very serious repercussion. At least the technology that I use. Maybe it is just me and the fact that I allow it to overtake me. I'm not sure, but let me be more specific.

• Cell Phones. - I think this one has been the longest in the "annoy me" running. We only recently got a house phone. Before that, the only way to reach us was our cell phones. I believe it was last summer when it really started to get on my nerves. I was never unreachable. I'm eating dinner, the cell phone rings. I'm with my family, the cell phone rings. I go for a walk with my husband, the cell phone rings. I remember the day that I had had it. I wanted to let my phone at home, and go somewhere to be alone, but that starts a whole new panic line of "She's not at home, she doesn't pick up her cell phone, do you think I should call a search party?" (ok so not talking of any one person, just generalization) So after the yearning to put my cell phone through the garbage disposal, there came an epiphany. I don't have to let my cell phone annoy me! When I go to visit someone, it can stay in the car, or silent in my purse. They can leave me a message. If a life threatening situation arises I most likely cant help them anyway, and can do just as much then as I could do two hours from now when my visit is over. Next problem with cell phones is texting. Yes I text. No I do not hold full conversations through texting. No I do not rite lyke thys wen i txt. That Is My Pet Peeve. I believe text language is going to be the breakdown of intelligence in America and it is SAD!
• Facebook - this has been for a while as well. I started out on xanga way back in Feb of 05. I've had the arguments with people who think it is a waste of time or weird but then spend hours reading my posts. I've had the argument that it's not safe and some stalker is going to come kill me in my sleep. With xanga or any blog I see the danger of fakeness. Blogging gives opportunity to be any person that you want to be. And that bugs me. I resolve to be real! I've since had myspace facebook, and now this blog. Yes, technology allows me to do this, the fallback to all of these comes in the form of fakeness. Myspace - my myspace was short lived. After several random people wanted to be my friend, and several lewd comments, I decided that yes, myspace just might be pedophile heaven. Next I became one of the millions to join facebook. Now don't get me wrong, I still use facebook, but it has come withing milliseconds of it's lifespan on more than one occasion. I very quickly learned that facebook is all about friends. Sometimes I wonder if I am going to get a friend request from the cashier at the local grocery store. Cause everyone you've ever met eyes with is on there. And your neighbor just brushed his teeth and is heading to bed. Like I said I still use facebook, but my thing is more about writing, which other than one sentence updates doesn't seem to be the aim of facebook.
• Camera's - I know your probably thinking wow she is majorly messed up. She thinks cameras are evil too? No, in fact I love photography. Photography can be a beautiful expression of art. I'd love to travel the world and take pictures of everything! Throughout High School, I was know to always have my camera in hand. On field trips I would go through two films. On Chorus tour I could double that. It's all well and good. Maybe a bit excessive. I've recently begun wondering how many memories I missed making, because I was watching memories being made. I want to remember things not because I took a picture of them, but because I participated in them. Sometimes you can do both, but when I cant, I hope I set the camera down, and join in.
• Internet, Movies, Mp3's even books. I guess what I've realized even more so recently is that life is short. Live it with others, don't seclude yourself with technology. Sit around a campfire & sing songs with friends. Don't look up a campfire clip on YouTube.

When I was younger I used to peruse the obituaries for people my age that had died. I wanted to read about their lives, and imagine what they could have done if they lived. I know, morbid right? It's a practice I've pretty much given up. Instead when I flip through the pages, and see the obituaries, I think of things that I can add to my list of "40 things to do before I'm 40", I think of ways that I want to live my life.

Moral of the story. If you cant reach me on my cell phone, I might be visiting with a dear friend that I did NOT meet on facebook.