Of Pillows & Such

I was laying in bed in the early hours of the morning today, unable to sleep cause I got too warm.
Go figure, we're in the middle of a cold spell, & I'm suddenly warm?
As I struggled to bunch & roll my pillow in order to get comfortable, I was once again reminded that I am in desperate need of a new pillow.
I dont know how it goes in your house, but here's how it works in mine.
I have 1 pillow.
It's my favorite pillow (perhaps cause its my only?)
I've had it for as long as I can remember.
& I've got a pretty good memory so that's pretty long.
I distinctly remember the day the tag (do not remove under federal law tag) finaly fell to shreds. That end always went in the pillowcase first, cause I don't like feeling crinkly tags while I sleep.
Now that I think about it, I think it was one of my Christmas presents from back in the day, & I think my older sister got one the same time. I should ask her if she still has hers.
At sleepovers friends would "freak out" over my pillow. ( Like we didnt have enough freaking out to do over the cute boys!) It was all lumpy and bumpy. I liked it that way tho, cause there was always somewhere to stick my bob when i was laying on my back :)
Time goes on, and I now find myself in that place of having to find a pillow. The lumps & bumps got smaller, & the pillow got overall thinner. Guess old age can have that affect.  I hate the thought of a new pillow. They have so many kinds. Firm, Medim Firm, Super Firm, Contoured, Down Filled....The list goes on & on! I have no idea what I like! They dont have a catagory for lumpy & bumpy. Every time I go to Walmart, or Target I look at them, but in overwhelmed exasperation I decide I'll figure it out "next time".
Eventually I'll have no pillow, and anything will be better than nothing I guess.
Speaking of pillows, C uses two. Yep, Two. Stacked one on top of the other. When we got married two came along with him. One was very heavy, very thin. Think cardboard (ok, a little exageration there) The other pleasantly plump. He decided to replace the thin one with a down one. He now sleeps with his head at a 90 degree angle from his body. Tell me, Is this normal?
The other frustrating point is that sheet sets come with 2 pillowcases, so there is always one pillow with a different case. Guess I have to start buying them individually.

Nothing like a ridiculously long post about oversized marshmallows!

Thats what Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
you think its more than you can take
but you're stronger, stronger than you know
Dont you give up now the sun will soon be shining
you gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining....

i've seen dreams that move a mountain
hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Family Camping

It's close
It's fun
It's family

This is the second year that we went camping in the Back 40. Otherwise known as the big area behind my dad's shop.

 

Dad watching over breakfast.
I think its kinda cool how the tripod frames an A for Aaron ;) 



Kirsten digging her mini marshmallos out of her hot chocolate.



Saturday was a clean up day at the shop. For some reason the men like doing things like driving the Hyster & pulling tress out by their roots, walking on the roof and pulling down tree branches, and going up in high lifts to fix windows on buildings.

While cleaning up a spot right near the campfire, Curt found a snake... thus the eager anticipation of Lucy & Christine to see but not be food put them on a higher level :)

 

Dad or otherwise refered to as Grandpa...enjoying some food with a few of his girls.



Dave going up to do the window.

Hauling fire wood

 

The happy littlest camper :)



I think this was during church.

It was a great weekend. Laughing, Talking, Playing settlers...Doing things that family was meant to do.

I'm an Aunt again!

Diving In...

Peace

Tranquility

Solitude

Freedom

Serenity

Silence

Stillness

These are the words that have been flowing through my brain the last week or two. It all started one night when C convinced me that anyone can float, and talked me through my fear (most of it) of water & right into a floating state. :) Since then it has become one of my favorite things to do in the pool.

Floating ears submerged beneath the water, all you hear is quite, silence. The traffic noise, my annoying incessantly barking dog, the neighbors lawn mower, even the birds. Its all gone. & when I find myself in that place of complete silence, my mind can think freely, and my heart can listen... Its therapeutic.

"Be still & know that I am God."

I've loved these words for so long. Maybe it is because in my life, there are few still moments. Or, maybe it is just the amazing thought of knowing that He is God, and all that it entails. Maybe it is because the Hebrew term for "be still" meant that which is slack, or to let drop, or in some instances, to be disheartened or weak. Cause in all honesty, I've felt that.

If you feel disheartened or weak, know that I am God.

To me, that speaks amazing things to my heart.

Whatever it is, those words were on my mind. & floating in the silence of my little backyard swimming pool, I felt it. The cares on my shoulders couldn't push me down - I was floating. The noise of controversy, I couldn't hear it. It was just me and God. Me floating in the water, with God's blue evening sky domed over top of me. Nothing could reach me. It was beautiful.

And then my mind kicked into analogy mode. It does that every so often.

You see, I told you I learned how to float. & I did. I just float, with one hand grasping the edge of the pool. & before you protest, that it doesn't mean I can float until I've left go of the edge, let me tell you I have. I know I can float. I'm just too scared to float beyond the reach of the poolside. I'm terrified of letting my head go under the water. I'm fearful that I might drown. Even when C is right there saying "I wont let you go under"

I should be fine with it all. After all, he is even an EMT.

And despite the fact that I wonder if I'm missing out on the full experience floating in the middle of the pool, my fear (so far) has kept me from finding out.

And as I lay there floating, I wonder if that is how I am with God sometimes.

I hold on to my safety nets, and my security blankets. God is there saying "Let go... I'll catch you...I won't let you go under", but I hold on instead of launching out with reckless abandon.

Fear is a crippling disease. It gets a hold of your mind, & turns you into a crazy person full of panic. & Satan knows that. He's the master of manipulation, and fear. & I wont let him control me when it comes to MY spiritual life.

It's MY life,

It's me & God,

We're jumping off the high dive together.

We're pushing off from the sides of the pool.

Be still & know that I am God

Dare to love....

If we could see through His eyes Then we could dare to love the way God loves If we could see through His eyes Then we would understand the way God understands For His eyes see through the surface right down to our needs Far beyond where we are to where we can be If we could only see through His eyes

JOURNEY

Journey. It's a word that has come up in my blog, in my conversations lately, and in emails. It is a word that means so much, that feels so much. To the dictionary, it means traveling from one place to another, usually taking a rather long time. a distance, a course or period of travel; passage or progress from one stage to another. While all these are so, to me it means more. It means not always knowing where I'm going to end up, not always understanding the direction my Map is telling me to go, It means feeling lost but trusting my GPS, it means feeling lonely, but knowing I'm not alone. It means trudging through valleys because they are what divides the mountaintops. It means perseverance It means hope It means faith It means trusting that God's Grace is sufficient It means being still & waiting for direction. I don't know about you, but waiting is one of the hardest things for me to do. I used to work at a bookstore, & while there a book lighted upon the shelves. It caught me by the heart. It was titled Wait. Just a little book with a poem & some photos. What a way to catch my attention than to put two of my hearts loves (poetry & photography) together. And with such a powerful message at that. I was only 17 or so, but it struck such a chord in my life. And many times I find the words running through my mind. Here it is....

Wait by Russell Lee Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry: I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, As my Master replied again, "Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint. You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

So as I sit & wait (although sometimes I admit I get impatient) I remember that Yes, God's grace is sufficient for me. & even thought the journey at times is hard, painful even. I know without a doubt that God is doing a work in my life, that I would not want to miss. God said, "My presence will go with you. I'll see the journey to the end." (Exodus 33:14) And that my friends will make this journey worthwhile.