Monday, August 2, 2010

Diving In...

These are the words that have been flowing through my brain the last week or two. It all started one night when C convinced me that anyone can float, and talked me through my fear (most of it) of water & right into a floating state. :) Since then it has become one of my favorite things to do in the pool.
Floating ears submerged beneath the water, all you hear is quite, silence. The traffic noise, my annoying incessantly barking dog, the neighbors lawn mower, even the birds. Its all gone. & when I find myself in that place of complete silence, my mind can think freely, and my heart can listen... Its therapeutic.
"Be still & know that I am God."
I've loved these words for so long. Maybe it is because in my life, there are few still moments. Or, maybe it is just the amazing thought of knowing that He is God, and all that it entails. Maybe it is because the Hebrew term for "be still" meant that which is slack, or to let drop, or in some instances, to be disheartened or weak. Cause in all honesty, I've felt that.
If you feel disheartened or weak, know that I am God.
To me, that speaks amazing things to my heart.
Whatever it is, those words were on my mind. & floating in the silence of my little backyard swimming pool, I felt it. The cares on my shoulders couldn't push me down - I was floating. The noise of controversy, I couldn't hear it. It was just me and God. Me floating in the water, with God's blue evening sky domed over top of me. Nothing could reach me. It was beautiful.
And then my mind kicked into analogy mode. It does that every so often.
You see, I told you I learned how to float. & I did. I just float, with one hand grasping the edge of the pool. & before you protest, that it doesn't mean I can float until I've left go of the edge, let me tell you I have. I know I can float. I'm just too scared to float beyond the reach of the poolside. I'm terrified of letting my head go under the water. I'm fearful that I might drown. Even when C is right there saying "I wont let you go under"
I should be fine with it all. After all, he is even an EMT.
And despite the fact that I wonder if I'm missing out on the full experience floating in the middle of the pool, my fear (so far) has kept me from finding out.
And as I lay there floating, I wonder if that is how I am with God sometimes.
I hold on to my safety nets, and my security blankets. God is there saying "Let go... I'll catch you...I won't let you go under", but I hold on instead of launching out with reckless abandon.
Fear is a crippling disease. It gets a hold of your mind, & turns you into a crazy person full of panic. & Satan knows that. He's the master of manipulation, and fear. & I wont let him control me when it comes to MY spiritual life.
It's MY life,
It's me & God,
We're jumping off the high dive together.
We're pushing off from the sides of the pool.
Be still & know that I am God