Thursday, February 4, 2010

Raw...

The last couple months of my life, have been a journey of epic proportions. I can only remember one other time in my life, where I have struggled, and fought, and clawed this hard to figure out if what I believe in is the same thing as Who I believe in. I have always prayed that I would never endure heartache like that again. And I haven't for the most part. Back then, I searched the internet over to see if there was anyone else who had discovered the kind of emotional pain, that physically hurt. I didnt find any scientific proof, but I still believe it. The last few months, I have learned once again, that Who I believe in will always trump what I am going through. I've cried, I've prayed, I've fought, I almost gave up almost but between me & God, I picked up where I left off and struggled some more. My strong wall of emotions became a landslide of raw emotion. and in the raw place, my heart open and bleeding on an autopsy table of what felt like failure, God reached in. To a place that I dont think He has ever been before. I'm still struggling, I'm still confused, I'm not sure what the right way to fight is anymore It's still raw, but God is there. He's not gonna let the life drain from me as I fight. And sometimes, God doesn't just fix things for us. Sometimes He lets us live with battle scars. Not because He doesnt care, but because He wants us to remember the fight, and remind us that there are things worth fighting for. I'm still on this epic journey, but I am not alone. And I'm going to be ok. I know it.

1 comment:

  1. Wow! Praying you can keep fighting. I miss you.

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