Monday, July 25, 2011

Bedtime Prayers...

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I snore while my wife's awake.
 I pray the Lord, dont let my life be at stake.

This should be C's prayer tonight...

I'm not particularly mad or annoyed at him. At least I hadn't been. He has this thing he does. You know "I'm not even really tired" then head hits pillow & he's asleep before I even finish brushing my teeth. And belive me I am not the kind of  stand-in-front-of-the-sink-forever-brushing-your-teeth type of girl.
 I am however the type of girl that lays in bed thinking of ways she could wake up her husband.
I feel like I'm 12 again. I feel like i did every Sunday afternoon when my sister decided to take a nap & I didn't want to. I would whine & complain that this is the only time I get to hang out with her & try to put her on a guilt trip. (yeah I did that at 12)
That's how I feel.
If I cant sleep why should he.
So my list of ways to wake him....
  • I'll start out subtle. Lay on my back with my knees bent & let them "fall over" on him in my sleep....
  • Flail my arms, moan & groan, pretending I am having a nightmare till he wakes up & "wake's me" from my horrible dream.
  • Use my cell phone to call the house phone. Answer the house phone & say "I think you have the wrong number"
  • Scream at the top of my lungs, then try to convince him he was dreaming.
  • Point the laser beam out the window at the dog pen to make Jack bark. Hop back in bed, & convince Curt to go out & see what his problem is. Turn off the laser before Curt gets out there.
  • Change the time on the clock, make the alarm go off & try to convince him it really is morning, it's just dark cause there is a thunderstorm brewing
  • Repeat number two, adding in some kicking & punching.
  • Turn his pager up the whole way & call in an emotional problem at our address. Cause that's what is gonna happen if I cant sleep soon!

And tell me why is it when I finally roll the whole way around & finally get comfortable, that he feels the urge to interrupt his snoring, roll on his side & breath on me?

Disclaimer: I do not have homicidal tendencies,  am not in the practice of making crank 911 calls,, & I do love my husband dearly :)


  1. You make me smile and I am guessing most of them don't really happen but I wonder if I could guess which do. =) Your sister to the east

  2. Bahahaha! This made me laugh so hard. So hilarious. You have an interesting writing style. I just happened upon your blog by random.
    Have a great day!